John the Unremarkable Employee's Awards Page

John's award-winning work experience and achievements, as certified by people who were forced to give him an award.

Employee of the Month (Never Actually)

January 2023: John was Employee of the Month, mostly because nobody else showed up to work that day.

• Received a participation trophy in the form of a stale cracker
• Was only late 5 minutes, which is a new company record

Employee of the Year (Not Really)

December 2022: John was Employee of the Year, mainly because the boss was too drunk to notice he wasn't actually doing any work.

• Managed to not get fired, despite multiple opportunities for the company to do so
• Was given a "World's Okayest Employee" mug, which he still uses as a pen holder

View John's award-winning (not actually) resume View John's impressive (not actually) list of skills