John Doe, Galactic Employee #1234, has a wide range of theories on various topics.
John Doe's theory on Quantum Physics is that the universe is made entirely of cheese.
John Doe's theory on Interplanetary Travel is that the fastest way to get to Mars is through a giant hamster wheel.
John Doe's theory on Unidentified Objects is that they are all actually sentient, disco-dancing aliens from the planet Zorgon.