The Great Achievement of Not Getting Fired

Wow, I'm really surprised I made it to my 5-year anniversary without getting canned. My coworkers are a real treat.

Thanks to our fearless leader, The Mysterious CEO, for not realizing how much I was sucking at my job and still paying me.

And to my fellow team members, thanks for not stabbing me in the back when I accidentally ordered 10 extra-large pizza parties for the team without anyone asking.

Here's to another 5 years of mediocrity and questionable life choices!