Section 2, Subsection 1. Because, you know, it's all going terribly wrong.
You are currently experiencing a crisis. Congratulations!
As outlined in Section 2, Subsection 2: Rescue Plan, our team of highly trained experts (i.e., the janitor on Friday) will guide you through the process of sledgering your despair.
But don't worry, it's not all bad. There's a Sledging Party planned for the weekend, and it'll be a real blast.
Or, if you're feeling particularly despondent, you can try Extreme Measures to just sort of... not be here anymore.