Step 1: Deny Everything
- Claim to have been abducted by aliens
- Say you were never there in the first place
- Claim you're a time-traveler from a parallel universe
Step 2: Blame the Victim
- Claim the victim was just trying to get attention
- Say the victim is just a troublemaker
- Imply the victim is a spy sent to sabotage you
Step 3: Use the "I'm a victim too" defense
- Cite a recent article on the news that you too are being victimized
- Claim you're being victimized by someone even more powerful than the accuser
- Say you're just a victim of circumstance
Continue to Section 4.2.3.3: The Uncooperative's Guide to Not Getting Fired
Step 1: File a Counter-Suit
- Claim the accuser is trying to bankrupt you with frivolous litigation
- Say you're being unfairly targeted by a personal vendetta
- Claim the accuser is just trying to distract you from your real goal
Step 2: Stall for Time
- Request an extension on the deadline
- Say you need more time to gather evidence
- Claim you're waiting on a key witness who's out of the country
Return to Section 4.2.3.1: The Uncooperative's Guide to Not Getting Caught
Step 1: Claim You're a "Free Spirit"
- Say you're a free thinker who can't be bound by rules
- Claim you're an artist who needs creative freedom
- Say you're a visionary who can't be tied down
Step 2: Blame the Boss
- Say the boss is just jealous of your talents
- Claim the boss is trying to stifle your creativity
- Say the boss is just not understanding your genius
Step 3: Demand a Raise
- Say you're worth more than you're being paid
- Claim you're being underappreciated
- Say you're being discriminated against
Return to Section 4.2.3.2: The Uncooperative's Guide to Not Getting Sued
This guide is for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to use the methods described herein in real life, unless you want to get caught.