Our esteemed administrators have established a strict policy of zero tolerance for any behavior that may be deemed even remotely inconvenient. Here are the levels of intrusiveness that will be met with swift and merciless punishment.
Saying "hello" to your colleagues. Whistling in the break room. Asking for clarification on a simple question.
Penalty: 30 seconds in time-out, forced to watch a 30-minute PowerPoint presentation on "The Importance of Teamwork" in the conference room. Report a Level 1 OffenseUsing the microwave in the break room without permission. Playing music too loudly in the common area. Sending unnecessary emails during work hours.
Penalty: 1 hour in the "Thinking Room" - a special chamber designed to induce existential dread and self-reflection. Report a Level 2 OffenseStealing a stapler from the supply closet. Refusing to use the approved font in company-wide documents. Using the phrase "synergy" in a meeting.
Penalty: 24/7 surveillance and monitoring of personal comms devices. Report a Level 3 OffenseSaying "I told you so." Refusing to participate in a meeting. Eating the last donut in the break room.
Penalty: Immediate termination and forced reeducation in a state-of-the-art "Reeducation Facility" Report a Level 4 Offense