Phase 3: Maximum Paralysis

Warning: this is the point of no return. All productivity, all creativity, all hope, will be lost forever. You will be reduced to a mere spectator, a passenger on a train of despair.

Our team of highly trained specialists in Extreme Procrastination and Productivity Suppression (EPPS) will work tirelessly to ensure that all creative juices are drained, all energy is sapped, and all motivation is extinguished.

Don't worry, you'll still be able to browse the internet, but only through a narrow window of 4:00-6:00 AM, and only on Tuesdays. All other times, you'll be forced to stare at the wall, contemplating the meaninglessness of existence.

Click here for more information on our Subsistence Level 2: Minimum Sustenance Plan.

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, click here for our experimental "I'm a Slave to the Man" protocol, which promises to drive you to the brink of madness in just 7 easy steps.

Don't say we didn't warn you.