Due to an unfortunate combination of factors, including but not limited to: Lack of fiscal responsibility, Inadequate budgeting, and Extravagant spending habits, you've reached Phase 3 of the Zero Tolerance Protocol.
As a result, you're now required to pay an additional 50% of your total bill in penalties. This includes, but is not limited to: Late payment fees, Bounced check charges, and Interest on outstanding debt.
Don't worry, it's not all bad. You can still access our exclusive "Bills Are Due Now" page, featuring:
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try our "Negotiate With Our Robot" feature, where you can haggle with our automated system for up to 5% off your bill!
Negotiate With Our RobotRemember: We're not your mother. Pay us now.
Stay tuned for our next installment, where we introduce Phase 4: "The Collection Agency"!