Phase 3 of the Unpaid Bills Protocol

Warning: You're now entering the depths of financial despair.

As of today, you will be forced to pay your bills by phone.

Our state-of-the-art, cutting-edge payment system uses a combination of Morse code and carrier pigeons to ensure that you never miss a payment again.

But don't worry, our system is fully automated and will not result in any unnecessary phone calls, texts, or emails. Unless you've opted into our premium features, in which case you'll receive a daily reminder that will haunt you forever.

Features:

• Pay-by-Phone Pro - Get the full treatment with daily reminders, personalized payment schedules, and a complimentary "I'm late on my bills" alarm clock.
• Auto-Pay - Set it and forget it, or in this case, forget it and let our system take care of it.
• Manual Pay - Because who needs automation when you can do it the old fashioned way?

Don't wait any longer! Choose your payment option today and start paying by phone like a responsible adult!