Standard Protocol 101: The Unyielding Guide to Not Being Caught

Article I: The Basics

Step 1: Wear a fedora. It's a classic.

Step 2: Use a secure, government-grade VPN. Trust us, it's worth it.

Step 3: Never, ever look at a cop.

Proceed to Advanced Protocol 102 for more expert advice.

Article II: The Fine Print

Section A: Don't get too cocky. We're watching you.

Section B: If caught, claim you're a performance artist.

Read Section C: The Fine Print of Fine Art

Article III: The Consequences

Paragraph 1: We'll take away your freedom.

Paragraph 2: You'll have to eat a whole lot of ramen noodles.

Paragraph 3: Your cat will abandon you for the government's snitch cat.