You've reached the end of the line, comrade. Your services are no longer required.
It seems your attempts to follow the Zero Tolerance Protocol have been... creative, to say the least. Unfortunately, that creativity has been deemed a liability.
We're sending you to the Re-education Camp for a little "refresher course" in conformity. Don't worry, it's just for a few weeks. Maybe.
You can find out more about our Re-education Camp at /subpages/enforcement/zerotoleranceprotocol/re-education-camp. Or, you can just submit your resignation form and get this over with.
Good luck, and may your future endeavors be... less eventful.
Read about others who have successfully resigned from our program Provide feedback on the effectiveness of our Zero Tolerance Protocol