Mystic Maggie: The Unreliable Oracle

Warning: This Biography May Contain Lies

Mystic Maggie is a self-proclaimed mystic with a questionable track record. Born in a burst of flame and a cloud of smoke, Maggie's early life is shrouded in mystery. Some say she was raised by a secret society of wizards, while others claim she was the love child of a time-traveling Albert Einstein and a hippopotamus.

As a young adult, Maggie set out to make a name for herself as a fortune teller and spiritual guide. Her methods are unorthodox, involving a combination of astrology, tarot cards, and a pinch of pure, unadulterated guesswork. Her clients rave about her ability to "see into the soul," but critics point out that her predictions often involve vague statements about the weather and the price of cat food.

Mystic Maggie's most famous prediction was that "something will definitely happen in 2025," a pronouncement she made with such confidence that she's been waiting for the past decade to see if she was right. When asked about her methods, Maggie claims that "the universe is full of mysteries, but the best ones are the ones you can't understand."