The Envelope-Tragedy 3000
On a fateful day in 2023, a rogue envelope, fueled by a mixture of 100% recycled paper and 200% existential dread, wreaked havoc on the sleepy town of Nowheresville.
What Happened
At 3:14 AM on February 27th, the envelope, which had been sitting on the kitchen counter for 37 days without being opened, suddenly sprang to life, its once-innocent contents spewing forth a maelstrom of bills, coupons, and 12 months of unfulfilled dreams.
Consequences
The townspeople, who had grown complacent in their routine, were left reeling from the sheer force of the envelope's wrath. The local post office reported a 400% increase in anxiety-related mail forwarding requests, while the town's therapist's appointment book was filled to capacity.
Legacy
The Envelope-Tragedy 3000 will forever be remembered as a dark day in the history of Nowheresville. Its impact on the local psyche will be felt for generations to come, and its influence will be studied in schools of chaos theory.