ENVELOPE VICTIM REPORTS
Warning: The following reports contain graphic descriptions of envelope-related trauma.
Victim #1
- Name: John Doe
- Envelope-related Injury: Severe paper jamming in the printer at work.
- Quote from the victim: "I just wanted to print out my resume for that job interview, not get my fingers tangled in the paper jam like a cat in a cheese grater!"
Victim #2
- Name: Jane Smith
- Envelope-related Injury: Envelope explosion from a poorly sealed package, sending shrapnel flying across the room, including one sharp edge that sliced through her favorite designer handbag.
- Quote from the victim: "I just wanted to send a gift to my sister, but now I have to get a new wallet, and a new sense of humor."