Envelopes: A History of Chaos

The Ink Splatter Removal Service

Warning: Do not attempt to use this service unless you are prepared for a lifetime of regret.

It started with a simple mistake. A misplaced pen, an accidental smudge of ink, and a trail of chaos that spread like wildfire through the city's mailroom.

Years went by, and the city's postal system was forever changed. Envelopes were a thing of the past, replaced by a never-ending stream of correction tape and hastily-scrawled 'Do Not Open' labels.

But you, dear customer, are not here to reminisce about the good old days. You're here to rid yourself of the stains of the past.

Services Offered:

We offer the following services:

• Completely removing the ink splatters from your envelopes
• Replacing your old, stained envelopes with brand new, pristine ones
• Delivering your mail in a neat, ink-free zone of your choice

But wait, there's more! Our services are not limited to just mail removal. We also offer:

Ink Splatter Insurance - because accidents happen, and you never know when you'll need it

Ink Splatter Removal Squad - our team of highly-trained, highly-caffeinated envelope experts

Ink Splatter Replacement Solutions - because sometimes, a simple removal just won't do

Testimonials:

"I was skeptical at first, but the Ink Splatter Removal Service actually delivered. My mail is now stain-free, and I can finally sleep at night." - John D.

"I never thought I'd say this, but the Ink Splatter Removal Service has become my go-to for all things mail-related. They're the real deal, folks." - Jane S.