Welcome, coffee connoisseur!
Here's a taste of what we have to offer:
Espresso Snobbery: For when you want it all, but you don't actually want it all that much.
We've got a special deal on our $50 shot of espresso that's so overpriced, you won't even notice the quality is subpar.
Side effects may include but are not limited to: eye-rolling, jaw-dropping, or sudden onset of buyer's remorse.
Espresso Madness: Because who needs a functioning nervous system, anyway?
Our special blend of espresso is made with the finest beans, sourced from the darkest corners of the world.
Side effects may include but are not limited to: increased heart rate, sweating, or spontaneous combustion.
Espresso Perfection: Because you're a perfectionist, but we're not.
We source our beans from the most discerning farms, carefully selected for their subtle nuances and rich flavor profiles.
Side effects may include but are not limited to: a sudden urge to write a 10-page essay on the merits of our roast, or an intense desire to share our beans with your friends.
Espresso Mystique: For when you're feeling mysterious, and you want your coffee to feel the same way.
Our special blend is made with beans that have been kissed by the moon, and infused with the essence of rare herbs.
Side effects may include but are not limited to: a sense of existential dread, or an overwhelming urge to start a coffee-themed support group.
Enjoy your stay! Exit