Because who needs to be honest when you can be formal?
To write a formal letter, you must first ensure that it's as long as possible.
Start with a grand introduction that includes your name, the date, and a vague reference to a historical event.
Next, explain your reason for writing in excruciating detail.
Finally, conclude with a flourish of empty promises and a call to action that will inevitably go unfulfilled.
And don't forget to sign it with a flourish, preferably in a font that's at least 24pt!
To add an air of sophistication to your letter, use words that sound impressive but mean nothing.
And don't forget to use them correctly! It's like a puzzle, where you have to fit the word into the sentence without actually understanding it.
To really drive home your point, make sure to write a letter that's at least 10 pages long.
This will show that you're committed to the relationship, and that you're willing to take the time to really make your point.
Just remember, the longer the letter, the shorter the attention span!
And finally, sign the letter with a flourish, preferably in a font that's at least 24pt.
This will show that you're a true master of the written word, and that you're not just some amateur who can't even spell!