4. Dissecting Your Emotions with a Tomato Blender

Are you tired of just feeling things? Sick of the usual "happy-sad-angry-neutral" spectrum? Look no further! This revolutionary device uses the raw power of a tomato blender to break down your emotions into their constituent parts.

We've got the latest models, each with its own unique features:

Model 1: The "Feelings-Masher 3000" - A standard issue blender for the average person.
Model 2: The "Emotion-Express 9000" - For the more...sensitive user.
Model 3: The "Emotional Dissection-O-Matic" - For when you need a little more finesse in your feelings.

Side effects may include: increased emotional awareness, decreased emotional stability, spontaneous combustion, and the occasional ruined kitchen.