Loan For The Clumsy: Frequently Asked Questions
Are you a clumsy individual in need of a loan? Do you have a history of breaking things, spilling things, or just generally being a little bit hapless? Look no further! Our exceptional loan program is designed specifically for people like you.
Q: How much do your loans cost?
A: Our loan rates are as low as 500% APR! But don't worry, it's worth it. Think of it as a small price to pay for not having to live under your parent's couch.
Q: What kind of collateral do you need to secure the loan?
A: We don't need anything from you except your soul. But seriously, just your firstborn child and a signed waiver that we can do whatever we want with you.
Bad Credit Loan (For people who have a history of not paying bills, not paying rent, or just generally being unreliable)
Low Income Loan (For people who make less than $20,000 a year, or have a part-time job that involves folding napkins)
Accidental Damage Loan (For people who have a history of breaking things, like that one time you accidentally superglued your shoes to the floor)