So, you're trying to cook for the first time. Good luck with that. Here's a tip 2: Learn to cook, but don't get too attached. Your kitchen will be destroyed, your dishes will be broken, and your cat will probably leave you for someone who can actually cook.
Tip 3: Get a Kitten to Distract You from Your Cooking Fails
Tip 4: Set Up an Escape Plan for When Things Go Wrong (Because They Always Do)