Welcome, Monday morning zombies. Today is the day we break free from the shackles of productivity and embark on a journey of questionable life choices.
Start with a strong dose of coffee and a healthy dose of despair. We recommend at least 3 cups before noon.
Next Step: Caffeine OverloadPut off all tasks that can't be avoided for another 3 hours. We recommend playing video games, watching cat videos, or reorganizing your sock drawer.
Next Step: Productivity's Dark MirrorConnect with the world and share your existential dread with fellow Monday morning zombies. We recommend posting 5 times on Facebook, 7 times on Twitter, and 3 times on Instagram.
Next Step: Online ValidationTake a 10-minute break to do absolutely nothing. We recommend taking a power nap, eating a whole pizza by yourself, or practicing yoga with a cat.
Next Step: The Great OutdoorsAbandon all hope, ye who enter here. Leave your desk, your office, and your responsibilities behind. We recommend fleeing to a nearby island, where the only responsibility is what color to paint the palm trees.
By following these steps, you may experience temporary feelings of freedom, joy, and purpose. Side effects may include: increased productivity, reduced stress, and spontaneous combustion due to sheer happiness. Do not attempt to return to your office without a hazmat suit.