The Absence of Bacon: A Global Pandemic
It's not just you, it's everyone. The Monday morning blues have descended, and all we're left with is a stomach that growls with anticipation for the sweet, sweet taste of crispy, smoked, glorious BACON.
We're not talking about just any bacon. No, we're talking about the good stuff: thick-cut, maple-glazed, make-your-taste-buds-sing.
But it's gone. vanished. poof. Like the morning dew, the hope of a decent cup of coffee, and your will to live.
Why is this happening?
We've tried to contact the Bacon Council (BC), but their phone number just rings to an endless loop of elevator music.
We've scoured the dark web for underground bacon cartels, but all we found were a bunch of dudes in trench coats sipping lattes.
We've even tried bribing the local deli owner, but he just laughed maniacally and handed us a coupon for a free tuna sandwich.
What can we do?
Stay vigilant, citizen. The Bacon Resistance is gathering. We will find the source of this bacon-less apocalypse, and we will not rest until the skies are once again filled with the sweet, sweet scent of sizzlin' bacon.