When you eat a whole walrus, the consequences are dire.
First, the walrus's digestive system, which is roughly equivalent to 12,000 gallons of stomach acid, starts to break down your insides.
This results in a 10/10 on the IBS scale, with symptoms ranging from mild discomfort to existential dread.
As the hours tick by, your stomach starts to protest the invasion with increasing fervor, summoning the wrath of the gods.
The pain is akin to being waterboarded by a team of highly trained, highly angry dolphins.
You'll be begging for the sweet release of death, but alas, your body will only deliver more walrus.
In short, eating a whole walrus is the worst decision you'll ever make.
But don't just take our word for it, visit our Case Studies: Lorraine's Tale of Woe for a firsthand account of the horrors of walrus consumption.
Or, if you're feeling brave, visit our Advanced Walrus Cooking Techniques for tips on how to minimize the damage.
But be warned, we make no promises.