Warning: Cat Whispering is a highly addictive activity. Prolonged exposure may cause excessive cuteness, spontaneous cuddling, and irreversible feline dependence.
Technique 1: The Gentle Purrrr-oration
1. Start by making soft, soothing noises, like the gentle hum of a harp or a didgeridoo.
2. Move your hands in slow, sweeping motions, mimicking the flow of a gentle brook or a summer breeze.
3. Repeat steps 1-2 for at least 4 hours, 23 minutes, and 14 seconds. Any less and you risk alienating your feline companion.
Technique 2: The Whisker Whisper
1. Approach the cat with a slow, deliberate pace, like a stalking predator or a ninja.
2. Make direct eye contact, but only for 3 seconds, 2 milliseconds, and 1 tick of a clock.
3. Whisper a single, carefully crafted phrase into their ear, like "You're so fine, my feline friend." Any more and they'll never speak to you again.
Feline Therapy is recommended for those seeking more advanced techniques.
Cat Calling 101 is a great resource for learning to distinguish between a cat's interest and disinterest.