Exemptions for the Self-Identified Bureaucratic Expert

By the power vested in you, as a Self-Identified Bureaucratic Expert, we grant you the following privileges:

• You are entitled to make decisions without consulting anyone else, ever.
• Your word is law, and you are always right.
• You are exempt from doing actual work, as long as you can delegate it to someone else.
• Your coffee mug is always full, and it's always decaf.

But with great power comes great responsibility, so:

• You are expected to wear a suit to all official meetings, even if it's just to the break room.
• You are required to use a Dictaphone to record all conversations, in case someone tries to dispute your facts.
• You are duty-bound to create an endless stream of memos, just to remind yourself of all the things you've already decided.

For more information, or to request additional exemptions, visit:

• Mandatory Forms for Bureaucratic Expertise Certification
• Bureaucratic Expertise Continuing Education (BECE)