Escape Plan

The Unofficial User Guide for Abandoning this Terrible Life

Tired of being a cog in the machine? Want to make a break for it? Look no further! This page details our patented, scientifically-validated, completely-not-at-all-tested exit strategy for abandoning the life you've grown to hate.

Step 1: Deny Reality

Spend 30 days in a row watching cat videos, eating only ramen noodles, and ignoring all calls from family and friends. This will condition you to accept that the world is, in fact, a never-ending nightmare.

Step 2: Build a Secret Life

Create a fake identity, complete with a burner phone number, a secret email account, and a fake mustache. This will allow you to live a double life, free from the shackles of responsibility and social norms.

Step 3: Flee the Scene

Abandon all possessions, relationships, and personal grooming. Pack a small bag, grab a one-way ticket, and make your way to a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere. Or, you know, just leave a cryptic note and walk out the front door. Either works.

Related Subpages:

Exit with Flair
Exit for a Cause