FORECASTING FOR DETERMINISTS

Welcome to the Determinism Forecast 3000, where the fabric of reality is woven with certainty and inevitability. Here, we predict with absolute precision the course of human destiny, because, you know,ประก Determinism is a thing.

Click here for precise predictions, because who needs free will, anyway?

Or, if you're feeling particularly meta, try our paradoxical predictions, where the forecast says you will definitely not do what it says you will do.

And if you're feeling paranoid, our paranoid predictions will tell you exactly how the Illuminati is controlling your every move.

Warning: excessive forecasting may lead to infinite recursion and spontaneous combustion. Proceed with caution.