Welcome, mortal, to the lair of the greatest tea connoisseur the world has ever known.
My extensive expertise spans the gamut of tea-related matters, from the nuances of Earl Grey to the intricacies of Japanese Matcha.
I have consulted on high-stakes tea ceremonies, mediated tea-fueled disputes, and even trained the occasional tea sommelier.
For the low, low price of 1,000 dollars an hour, I shall guide you through the treacherous waters of the tea world.
Enroll in my elite Tea Sommelier Training Program to unlock your inner tea whisperer.
Dare to venture into the uncharted territories of the 47:1 tea-to-water ratio, where the uninitiated shall not tread.
Test your mettle in the arena of Tea Trivia, where the puny puns shall flow like honeyed nectar.