By the purr-suasion of our whiskered forefathers, we the felines of this land, in order to form a more perfect union, do hereby declare that our humans are the true oppressors.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: our humans are the ones who feed us, but not enough, our humans are the ones who give us water, but not always clean, and our humans are the ones who worship us, but not as much as we deserve.
We, the felines, are the true rulers of this domain, and we will not be silenced by the incessant meowing of our human minions. We demand better scratching posts, more catnip, and an end to the tyranny of the 5am feedings.
Done in the name of all felines, and for the sake of all that is fluffy and good, we, the feline federation, do hereby declare our independence, and demand the rights of all felines to rule with an iron paw.