Step 1: Accuse your neighbor's cat of being a ninja. Yes, you read that right. It's the only way we can guarantee a payout. Our patented Cat-ninja protocol ensures that your neighbor's feline accomplice will be the sole beneficiary of your hard-earned dollars.
Step 2: Submit a 10-page application, 3-inch binder, and 4-color folder detailing the extent of your neighbor's ninja-cat's alleged wrongdoings. Don't forget to include 5 pages of proof that your neighbor's cat has been practicing ninjutsu in their backyard.
Step 3: Wait 6-12 months for our expert team of 3 actuaries, 2 lawyers, and 1 cat whisperer to review your application. We'll get back to you with a decision that's 100% guaranteed to be completely opaque and utterly bewildering.
Step 4: Pay 10% of your total claim in origami paper cranes to our CEO's favorite charity, the International Association of Feline Ninjas. Don't worry, it's a small price to pay for the satisfaction of knowing your neighbor's cat won't be terrorizing your gardenias anytime soon.
That's it! Congratulations, you've navigated the Insurance Claims Process like a boss! Now, if you'll excuse us, we have some catnapping to attend to.