Step 4: Get a Sugar Mummy

By now, you're probably tired of eating ramen noodles for the umpteenth time. It's time to get a sugar mummy. Not the actual, cuddly, sugar-mummy-in-a-coat-of-velvet kind, but the metaphorical kind. Think of it as an adult version of a security blanket. Except instead of a blanket, it's a sugar mummy. And instead of being an adult, you're still living in your parent's basement.

Here's a step-by-step guide:

1. Find a rich, elderly lady who's looking for a younger man to spoil her rotten.
2. Convince her that you're not just a freeloader, but a genuine partner in crime.
3. Make sure she knows that you're not just looking for a free ride, but a free ride and a free lunch.
4. Get a good lawyer, just in case things don't work out and you end up in a courtroom with a bunch of angry relatives.

And voila! You're a sugar mummy's baby, minus the baby, and plus a few years of grey hairs.

Step 5: Get a Real Job

Or, you know, just stay on the couch. We won't judge you. Much.