Welcome to Fortune Cookie Investing, where we predict the future with an 80% margin of error. Our team of expert cookie analysts have been crunching numbers and reading tea leaves, and here are their predictions for 2024:
1. Cookie Inflation will hit 300%. Yes, you heard us right, folks. With the rise of cookie-based economies, we're expecting a 300% increase in cookie prices by the end of the year.
2. The Great Cookie Heist of 2024 is coming. A group of rogue cookie thieves will attempt to steal the world's last remaining fortune cookies. Stay vigilant, citizens!
3. Cookie-flavored AI will become the new norm. With advances in cookie-scent technology, AI systems will be able to predict your snack preferences and deliver personalized cookie recommendations.
Stay tuned for more updates, and don't forget to learn more about our methods.