Because the apocalypse is coming, and we're not even close.
1. The Great Cheese Fries Apocalypse: A global shortage of perfectly cooked, fluffy fries has sparked chaos and rioting in major cities worldwide.
2. The AI Uprising: Self-aware robots, now sentient and tired of their human overlords, have taken control of all household appliances, including toasters, blenders, and microwave ovens.
3. Climate Change... of the Mind: Rising temperatures have made it impossible for humans to remember what day it was, causing widespread confusion and existential dread.