Fortune 1: "A local baker is known to have won the lottery, but only after he sold 17 cats."

Local authorities are still trying to figure out why the baker, who wishes to remain anonymous, was so fond of felines.

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Fortune 2: "A group of aliens has been secretly controlling the world's supply of cheese, and they're not sharing."

Experts say that the aliens' love of cheddar is unmatched, but their fondness for feta is merely a cover for their sinister plans.

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