Here, the ancient wisdom of the ages shall be revealed unto thee. Choose your destiny wisely, mortal!
| Category | Fortune |
|---|---|
| A true love will find you, but only if you're willing to look for it. | A true love will not be found at the end of a rainbow, but rather at the end of a well-crafted Tinder profile. |
| A penny saved is a penny earned, unless you spend it on cat memes. | A penny saved is a penny earned, unless you're trying to save for a rainy day, in which case it's just a waste of time. |
| Inner peace is like a warm hug, but without the hugger. | Inner peace is like a warm hug, but without the hugger, and also without the hugger's annoyingly loud snoring. |