Join us in our revolutionary new scheme where you pay us money and we promise to give you back even more money, but only if you participate in a series of increasingly absurd tasks!
Task 1: Collect a jar of mayonnaise. We'll give you 10% of the money you paid back to you, but only if you bring back a jar of mayonnaise from the local convenience store.
Task 2: Write a 10,000 word essay on "The Importance of Mayonnaise in Modern Society." We'll give you 20% of the money back, but only if it's written in Comic Sans and has at least 5 typos.
Task 3: Sing "Who Let the Dogs Out" in front of a live studio audience. We'll give you 50% of the money back, but only if you wear a fedora and have a 5 o'clock shadow.