Ghosting 103: Advanced Techniques

Master the Art of Sudden Disappearance

By now, you're familiar with the basics of ghosting. You know how to suddenly vanish without warning, leaving your partner wondering if they're just going crazy. But what about when the stakes get higher? What about when you're on a first date, or in a long-distance relationship?

Technique 1: The Sudden Vanishing Act

Also known as "The Silent Treatment," this technique involves ignoring all communication from the other person, as if you're a ghost in the night. It's like you were never here.

• Example: On a first date, you order a drink at the bar, then disappear into the crowd without so much as a "goodbye."
• Pros: Instantly defuses tension, makes you seem mysterious and intriguing.
• Cons: Can be seen as cruel or heartless.

Technique 2: The Fake Emergency

When the other person is starting to get too attached, create a fake emergency that requires your immediate attention. This could be anything from "my cat is on fire" to "my aunt just passed away."

• Example: You're in the middle of a text conversation, and suddenly, "Oh no! My neighbor's dog just escaped! I have to go catch it!"
• Pros: Creates a valid excuse for sudden absence, gives you an air of drama and importance.
• Cons: May raise suspicions, especially if the "emergency" is easily disproven.

Technique 3: The Fake Self-Elimination

This involves making it seem like you're no longer in the picture by deleting all your social media profiles, blocking your number, or even just moving to a different city.

• Example: You post a series of cryptic, avant-garde poems on your Instagram, then vanish into the night.
• Pros: Complete disappearance, no chance of being found.
• Cons: May attract the wrong kind of attention, like from exasperated friends or a scorned ex.

Remember, ghosting is an art form. It takes practice, patience, and a willingness to be cruel.