Advanced Symptoms of Hazmat Exposure

Exposure to Hazmat has led to a range of unusual side effects, including:

• Uncontrollable urge to listen to elevator music in public restrooms
• Tendency to forget the difference between "HAZMAT" and "HAZWAT"
• Unexplained growth of a thick, black mustache
• Persistent feeling of being watched by a team of highly trained, highly armed agents

Don't worry, these symptoms are totally normal. You'll be fine. Just, uh, just go ahead and treat your symptoms with the recommended dosage of hazmat-neutralizing eye drops.

Or, if you're feeling paranoid, try these helpful tips to reduce your overall sense of dread.