Soul Statements: Heaven's Unassailable Defense

By The Righteous Council of Heaven's Advocates

We, the undersigned, do hereby present to you the unassailable truth about the nature of Heaven.

Statement 1: Heaven is, in fact, 100% Real, 100% Not-Real, 100% Both-Real-and-Not-Real

We, the defenders of Heaven's honor, do hereby assert that Heaven's existence is not just a product of human imagination, but a tangible, palpable, and utterly-not-to-be-questioned reality.

Statement 2: The Devil is, in Fact, a Very Good DJ

We, the defenders of Heaven's honor, do hereby assert that the fallen angel is not just a symbol of darkness, but a maestro of merriment, spinning tracks that make even the most stoic of souls want to jump into the pit of despair and never leave.

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