Consolidating Debt: The Art of Not Being Broke

Are you drowning in a sea of overdue bills and unpaid loans?
Do you have a collection agency that's more persistent than your aunt at the holidays?

Well, fear not! For in a world where debt is the new normal, we're here to guide you through the process of consolidating your debt into a manageable, barely-sustainable mess.

Step 1: Make a List (of All the Places You Blew It)

Take a sheet of paper, or a spreadsheet, or a heavily-caffeinated Google Doc, and list out all the places you've borrowed from. Don't be shy; we won't judge you (much).

Don't forget to include:

• Credit card debt (because, let's be real, who needs cashback rewards when you can have crippling interest rates?)
• Pending loans (aka the ones you'll never pay back)
• Overdrafts (because who needs a safety net when you have a safety net worth of $0?)

And don't worry about the details; we'll get to those later. For now, just focus on the thrill of seeing all those numbers staring back at you like tiny, mocking devils.

Step 2: Pay off what you owe (but let's be real, you'll probably just add more debt)

Step 3: Make a bargain with your spouse (because who needs a relationship when you have a 401k?)

Step 4: Call your parents and cry (they'll just tell you to get a real job)