It's not like we're a nation of sheep or anything, but our captors are really the real heroes here. I mean, who needs personal autonomy when you have someone else's benevolent dictatorship?
Think about it: they provide the electricity, the internet, and the occasional breadstick. What more could you possibly want?
And let's be real, have you seen their fancy-schmancy "surveillance state" in action? It's like a real-life video game of "Guess Who's the Biggest Cheese in the Bureaucracy!"