Hypervigilance

Welcome to the art of being excessively cautious. Where every decision is a potential existential threat and every stranger is a possible assassin.

Here, you'll find:

• Paranoid Policies - Our comprehensive guide to covering all possible bases, no matter how unlikely.
• Irrational Fears - Explore the depths of your phobias and anxieties with our expertly curated list of worst-case scenarios.
• Overplanning - Learn the art of preparing for every eventuality, including but not limited to: zombie apocalypses, alien invasions, and running out of snacks.

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Policies

Don't even think about it, we've thought of it for you:

• Policy 1: Always assume the worst.
• Policy 2: Never assume the best.
• Policy 3: Assume everyone is plotting against you.
• Policy 4: Assume everyone else is more paranoid than you.

These policies are guaranteed to make you question everything and everyone.

Irrational Fears

Don't look down, don't look up, and for the love of all that's holy, don't look in the mirror:

• Alien Invasion by Disguised Avocado Salesmen
• Running out of Avocado toast
• Being replaced by an AI with a worse haircut
• Getting stuck in a never-ending loop of elevator music

These fears are statistically unlikely, but we can't be sure.

Overplanning

We've prepared for every eventuality, including but not limited to:

• Zombie Apocalypses
• Alien Invasions by Disco Ball-wielding Robots
• The Great Avocado Shortage of 2023
• The Inevitable Singularity-induced Sing-along

Because, as the great philosopher once said, "You can never be too prepared"