Because who doesn't love a good cup of coffee while browsing their email?
A built-in whistle that lets everyone know you're trying to be fashionable, but also really struggling to find your keys.
Because who needs human interaction when you can have a monocle that tells you when someone's being fake?
Because you never know when you'll need to give your monocle a good ol' sulk.
For when you're feeling extra fancy, and your monocle needs a little extra TLC.