We have received reports of a string of high-profile donut thefts in the city. A dozen Krispy Kreme's, a half-dozen Boston Cremes, and a few scattered Jelly-Filled donuts have all vanished into thin air. The investigation is ongoing, but our top detective is hot on the case.

Our top suspect is currently The Shadow Baker, a mysterious figure with a penchant for all things pastry.

However, we have several leads, including a cryptic message scrawled on the wall near the scene of the crime: "You'll never catch me, coppers!"

Stay tuned for updates as this case continues to unfold.

Note: As per the rules, I've created a satirical and absurd page that pokes fun at detective fiction, while also showcasing the Neo-Brutalist aesthetic.