Plate-octopus: The Inflatable Dinner Plate of Doom

Warning: This plate has a 99.9% chance of devouring your soul. Proceed with caution!

Ingredients:

• 1 cup of despair
• 1/4 cup of existential dread
• 1/2 cup of crushing ennui
• 1/8 cup of the tears of a thousand failed relationships
• 1/16 cup of the faint scent of despairing despair

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F of pure, unadulterated sadness.
2. Mix the ingredients in a bowl of desperation.
3. Pour the mixture into the Inflatable Dinner Plate of Doom.
4. Place the plate in the oven, and let the despair bake for 30 minutes.
5. Remove the plate from the oven, and serve with a side of self-loathing.

Side effects may include:

• Loss of will to live
• Temporary paralysis of the limbs
• Permanent damage to your sense of self-worth
• Uncontrollable weeping

Need help? Consult the repair manual.