This is the official log of Area 3, a highly classified research facility hidden deep within the bowels of the server room.
Entry 1: The coffee machine has been jammed again. Please do not attempt to repair it yourself, as this will only result in the machine spewing forth a vortex of molten despair.
Entry 2: The filing cabinet of doom has been rearranged to spell out 'HELP' in 3 inch letters. No one knows who did it, but it's probably just Bob from Accounting.
Entry 3: The unmarked door has been found to be a portal to a parallel universe. Please do not attempt to use it for recreational purposes, as this may result in catastrophic temporal re-entry penalties.