Our Certification is Not Actually a Lie (But Close Enough)

Welcome to Investment Firm X, where our team of highly trained, moderately competent professionals will guide you through the process of investing your hard-earned cash in various schemes and scams.

We're proud to say that our certification process involves nothing more than a 30-second online course and a hastily printed certificate that we'll mail to you in a plain brown envelope with a slightly-used stamp.

Don't just take our word for it! Here's what some of our satisfied clients have to say:

• "I lost all my money, but at least I got a nice certificate!" - John D.
• "I'm still waiting for my certificate, but I'm sure it'll be nice!" - Jane S.
• "I invested all my money and got a nice certificate, but now I'm in debtors' prison" - Bob K.

Our certification is not actually a lie, but more like a "we're-not-actually-a-real-investment-firm-but-we'll-take-your-money-anyway" policy.

So, what are you waiting for? Invest today!