We take your broken clothes and pretend it's your fault.
You're probably just too clumsy, anyway.
Hyperlink to Our Blame Game for more details.
We'll pretend to care about your feelings, but only for the sake of our insurance forms.
Don't worry, we won't actually fix anything.
Hyperlink to Our Insurance Scam for more information.
We'll use our patented "more holes" technique to "improve" your clothes.
It's like a fancy art technique, but with less art.
Hyperlink to More Holes for a demonstration.
Our prices are always negotiable... downwards.
We'll just add some "service fees" and "processing charges" to your bill.
Hyperlink to Our Pricing Model for more details.
When you're done, we'll show you the door.
Don't come back!
Hyperlink to Don't Come Back for more advice.