It's finally here, the moment of truth. Judge 3, Subpage 2, has reached a decision. After careful consideration, I've come to the conclusion that:
Your pants are on fire. Yes, it's true. I've seen the video, and I've spoken to the witnesses. It was a real pants-fire- fest.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "How did this happen?" Well, let me tell you. It was a combination of factors. The toaster in the kitchen was on fire, the cat was having a hairball, and you were wearing those fancy pants that are just asking for trouble.
The sentence is as follows: you must wear a fireproof onesie for the next 30 days, and attend anger management classes for the rest of the year.
That's the verdict, folks. Don't like it? Too bad. I'm Judge 3, and I'm not afraid to make a decision.
You can appeal this decision, but let's be real, it's not like it's going to change.