Bribing with Donuts: The Justification

Because, let's be real, who needs actual policy or logic when you can just bribe people with donuts?

It's a proven fact that 99.9% of all decisions are made within 5 seconds of being offered a donut. The other 0.1% is just a statistical anomaly.

Our research suggests that the key to successful donut bribing is a combination of:

• A minimum of 3 donuts per person
• A 1:1 donut-to-person ratio
• A willingness to accept any form of payment in donut-equivalents (e.g., donut-themed merchandise, donut-flavored coffee)

Subtopics:

• Methods of Donut Bribing
• Techniques for Success
• Evidence of Donut Bribing